


Musings From A Broken Heart

by hookerspice78



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2014-04-07
Packaged: 2018-01-18 13:17:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1429930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hookerspice78/pseuds/hookerspice78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a Hook POV and it is angsty and full of feelings about what he thinks in the deepest part of his soul about loving Emma. Takes place right after he meets up with her in the restuarant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Musings From A Broken Heart

PART ONE: TLK

He should’ve known, should’ve known that she would do that. His Swan was never one for displays of affection. In fact, she always stiffened around it. She had to be the one to initiate it he should’ve known that too. For it was her, whom initiated it at first with them. He touched his lips again, the same way he did so long ago. He still felt her lips there, her mark still there claiming him as her own. But he was a man, after all and seeing his love for the first time in a bloody year he couldn’t help it. The way her hair was still messy as if she just stepped out of bed, the way her strange choice of loose fitting night garments that would look unflattering on anyone else, but on her it was spectacular. 

He heard about true love’s kiss breaking any curse, so he thought what the hell. He loved her truly loved her and he thought she loved him. She so much as told him before that wretched curse separated them, for what he thought would be forever. He watched as she and the boy stepped in that strange yellow motorized vessel and drove away from him as the garish purple smoke wrapped around him. Making him cough as it slithered down his throat, making his eyes burn and not just from the tears that were escaping down his cheek as he watched her drive out of his life. His knees threatening to buckle from the weight of his heart shattering his stomach churning threatening his lunch to make an appearance. He was shaking, knawing at his lip as he forced himself to be strong. He had to be her family was in peril and despair around him. He had to be the strong one, had to be strong for his Swan. 

When he had discovered a way a way to get to her. He had to take it yeah it combined pixie dust and the dismantling of his ship, his home for over 300 years. Tink had told him that since the Jolly Roger was made of enchanted wood, she could combine that and her pixie dust and create a portal. It would mean though he had to dismantle her, he hesitated at first was just as broken when he heard that as when he lost his Emma. But, for her he would do it, he would do anything. He would give up his life if it meant helping her. Tink knew it, he would risk his life for two things Love and Revenge. And there was no reason for revenge right now. So, one day the group of them Tink, the Prince, Snow and him took apart the Jolly Roger one by one. All of them melancholy for this ship had memories for all of them some of them good some of them bad but it needed to be done. For Emma, for Henry to save them, bring them home. 

It was a success and before they knew it he was being swept away in a mass of green light and wind which bought him to this strange place. It was noisy, it was busy. Everyone in such a hurry. He found himself standing outside a strange apartment music blaring from the inside. He heard voices, a voice he would’ve recognized anywhere. So he knocked and was met with the beauty of her. She obviously couldn’t remember him when she asked “Who are you?” That didn’t stop him, he was caught up in the moment he rushed to her and pulled her in his arms, melting at the touch of her lips on his again. She had leaned into him, into their kiss for a moment so he had hope. Until, she kneed him typical Swan style, the force of her knee on his already taut anatomy pushing him backwards. He pleaded with her as she slammed her door. That was the first time he felt as if his life had ended.

 

PART TWO: CHANCE MEETINGS:

 

He sat there, sat on this highly uncomfortable rather large stool and watched as the dark, amber liquid swirled in his glass. This was his third or fourth or fifth he did not know had lost count. He swallowed the tears as once again they threatened to come forth, his body still aching from where she had kicked him. He wouldn’t break down here not in this strange looking tavern, the neon lights in a horrible pink hue hurting his eyes. He wouldn’t let these strange people see him as a poor broken hearted drunk, yes he was but he couldn’t show it. He felt the despair, the hopelessness hollow out in his stomach. She didn’t love him as he loved her would always love her. She didn’t feel the same, all this was for nothing. His declarations of love had fell on deaf ears he was a fool. Of course she didn’t she was way out of his league. He was a mere Pirate, a thief. She was a princess, a reluctant one but still. She would be living in a palace made of stone and marble in the Enchanted Forest. Sleeping on sheets made of silk, whilst he slept on sheets made of rough cotton that scratched your skin every time you shifted. He would be sleeping on a stiff uncomfortable bed aboard his ship that was drafty and creaked of her wear over the years. Yes she was not attainable never would be. He sighed with that renewed sense of pain. His eyes watering, he pushed the tears away as he took another swig of the horrible rum he had ordered. 

He was about to swallow his last bit of rum and pride when his body stiffened with awareness. He knew before he even had to look that she had walked in, his body was attuned to hers. His back stiffened and his heart pounding. He straightened his posture and slowly turned his head. His lips suddenly dry as he craned his neck to see. 

That’s when he saw her divesting herself of her bright wool coat as she sat down. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her as she sat down. The tight black leather dress hugging her curves generously. Her hair shining underneath the lights, bringing with it a new appreciation for the garish pink lights. The dress cut perfectly to show off the very top of her breasts, Killian swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He had never seen her dressed like this, never seen her looking like this. She looked like a painting, a piece of art. He was inspired to draw her just like this. He shifted his body as another form of appreciation for her dress started to form. The leather in a color so much like his own, is this her subconscious he thought. Her internal thoughts telling her to dress like him as homage. It was wishful thinking he knew, but a guy could dream. He set his glass down and prepared to stand up. She hadn’t seen him yet he would surprise her. He stood as she brushed her hair over her shoulders and her eyes traveled to a place behind her. She smiled stiffly as a strange man approached her leaning down to kiss her head before he sat across from her. Killian’s knees again almost buckled as he saw this man, this strange man in a strange looking grey outfit sit across from her taking her hand. His eyesight blurred and all he saw was red, his blood boiled. No, no this can’t be. No. He thought to himself. She is mine. She is my love, my Swan. No why me after all I have been through why must this happen. 

Killian fell back against the bar, his hand gripping the side so tight his knuckles were white. “Hey, buddy!!! Are you ok?” The man with all sorts of markings on his body asked from his place behind the bar. “Do you need me to call you a cab?” He looked at him dumbfounded not quite sure what he was asking. 

“No, I’m fine.” Killian lied. He had enough he slammed his glass down and started to approach the couple at the table. That’s when he saw it, saw the strange man with his Swan kneel down in front of her, take her hand and push a plate with a sparkling treasure on it towards her. He stopped in his tracks. The world blurring around him, his focus on the scene in front of him. That was the second time his world had crumbled. 

 

PART THREE: INDECENT PROPOSAL:

 

He watched as she shifted in her seat uncomfortably, her smile forced. Her body instinctively leaning away from this man in front of her. She tore her hand away Killian could see her breath hitching. She was uncomfortable, he knew it. He knew her so well. He forced himself to push his troubled thoughts away as he witnessed what was transpiring. He leaned against the stool, knowing full well that the bartender was watching him closely. He felt some flicker of hope wash over his body, perhaps she would decline. She obviously didn’t want this. Open Book, Love. He thought as he watched her nervously bite down on her lip, her sparkling green eyes shining with moisture. He could tell she was fighting tears, he always knew it. Always knew her so deeply. He crossed his arms over his chest, the leather stretching over his shoulders. He was transfixed on how this scene would play out. He felt the hope warm him from inside, but tried to keep a reign on it. He was also a realist and he never liked false hope. 

Killian saw the man’s mouth open, his lips forming words. He leaned a bit closer, straining his hearing to listen to what he the stranger was going to say. 

“Emma, Emma Swan!! We have been together for a few months now and those months have been the best moments of my life. You turned my world upside down and if I may be bold. But I have fallen in love with you. You are amazing, brilliant and passionate.”

Killian gulped hard as the man used almost the exact same words as him so long ago in that faraway land. He roughly pulled at his dishevelled hair, wanting to run but also wanting to stay. He wanted to see this played out, because his Swan was incredibly uncomfortable in her posture and demeanor. He had never seen her so uncomfortable and he’d seen a lot with her. He closed his eyes and strained to listen some more. 

“So, Miss. Swan…I know this is sudden and I know this is soon. But….” The man pushed the plate towards her again. “There is nobody, no other woman for me but you. So, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife. Becoming Mrs. Damian Walsh?” 

That was the last straw, Killian’s world shattered. The walls closing in on him the lights stinging his eyes. He couldn’t breathe he had to get away. He had lost her, after everything in the end he still had lost her. He should’ve known, he was a villain after all. They don’t get happy endings, even if they had changed. Changed into a man of honour because of the love of one woman. It was karma after everything he had been through in the last 300 plus years, he was a horrible man. A horrible person because of what he done what he had become. It was karma. He could no longer fight the tears in his eyes he knew he had to get away from this suffocating place this suffocating room. He couldn’t even stay to hear her answer even though he saw her hesitation before she answered. Her body still stiff as if she had just had cold water thrown on her. All he had heard before he ran outside into the dismal night into the harsh air of this god awful city. All he heard was…”Damian…I…..”

He finally felt the cold winter air upon his face, the sting of a few fresh snowflakes on his skin. They were dusting his eyelashes as he closed his eyes and looked up into the heavens. The sounds of this cold dark place of hell fade around him for all he could hear was the shattering of his heart. All he could feel was a thousand deaths upon him. He was stuck. He was stuck alone and heartbroken in this horrible place. He felt something brush his foot and saw a rat scurry across his path. He felt like that rat lost hopeless and broken. He couldn’t take it he collapsed, collapsed on the cold dark concrete of the alley. The stench of rubbish surrounding him. He was nothing more then this trash. After all he had worked for to let Emma see the man he was, how he hopelessly and carelessly fell in love with her. He was torn apart broken beyond repair the sting of this worse than losing Milah, the sting of this worse then the feel of Liam dying in his arms. He was nothing more than a shell of the man he once was. That’s all he’d ever be. He leaned his head against the cold stone wall of the tavern and let the tears envelop him. This was the third time his world came crashing down around him. 

 

PART FOUR: AS YOU WISH:

She saw him, she saw the glimpse of perfect stranger in black leather race past her. She had known he was here her body attuned to him even though she still had no idea who he was. She didn’t know him, but yet she did. Somehow she did. She couldn’t stop him though she was still too shocked at what Damian had proposed, what he had asked of her even though they had talked about the fact that she wasn’t ready. She was also shell shocked at seeing this man, this stranger again. The man whose lips still haunted her the man whose scent of leather, the sea and rum surrounded her wrapped her up in warmth and safety. She couldn’t ignore the sense of familiarity that had ingrained itself upon her heart after his lips touched hers and his pleas echoed in her ear. She shook her head she had to follow that man she had to know what was going on. She had to take a chance but first she had to deal with this. She looked back at Damian Walsh, the man who had been a staple in her and Henry’s life for four months. The man that she enjoyed being with or so she had thought. She tore her hand away from his and met his gaze. 

“Look, I’m flattered I am. You have managed to shock me which is rare but but…this…us. Yes I enjoyed it, but I can’t help but feel that something is missing. There is something more in my life I must know. And to do that…I can’t…I can’t say yes. Yes these few months have been great but we’ve talked about this before. I’m not ready and right now I don’t think I ever will be. I’m sorry Damian. I am, but you’re a good man you deserve more than what I can give you what I can ever give you.”

He looked at her and swallowed and started to say something. But she placed her hand up and stopped him. She stood up and rushed to get her coat on. She had to get away had to get away from this. This was too much, too overwhelming. She also had to find the stranger, his eyes as blue as the ocean. The stranger whose lips left their mark on her heart. She needed to find out she needed to find out why she felt something wasn’t right with this life she had lead. She couldn’t even look at the man she thought she loved as she ran out of the restaurant. 

She was running running away until she nearly trampled over something in the dark alley. She knew it was a man hole those were hard to handle in the heels she wore. She looked down anyways and that is when she saw it saw him. His head was resting on his knees his arms wrapped around his legs. She couldn’t be sure but she thought he was shaking his shoulders shuddering with..with. Oh my gawd. She thought. Is he crying?

No he couldn’t be he had struck her as being so strong and so confidant. She saw his smile when he first laid eyes on her, this couldn’t be the same man. She looked him over taking in his long black coat his ruffled dark brown locks that looked black in the moonlight. She saw his gloved hand she saw his other hand tightened in a fist. He still hadn’t seen her. She stepped closer and felt his scent surround her again. Yes it’s him.

 

She stepped closer and crouched down as much as her tight dress would let her she reached out and touched his shoulder softly. “Hey. Hey look at me.” She whispered. She heard a muffled “Go away!! Leave me here to die.” 

“Shut the hell up!!” She said louder now. “No one is dying on my watch. Look at me. I need to know why you feel so familiar to me.”

That’s when he looked up and met her gaze, the moonlight not hiding the moisture in his eyes. “Swan.” He whispered. “Is it really you?”

“Yes you big jerk it is me. Now tell me what the hell is wrong?”

“Don’t you have a fiancé to get back to?” He spat out with venom in his voice. 

“A fiancé..what do you mean.” That’s when she knew she knew he had seen her and Damian’s exchange in the restaurant and immediately felt guilt pain and heartbreak. “You mean Damian.”

“Do you have more suitors than just him?”

She couldn’t help it she hit his shoulder. “Like I said shut the hell up. I said no. There is no fiancé. No nothing between him and I anymore. We broke up.” 

“You mean, but why.” The strange man who she was inexplicably drawn to asked. 

“Because of you…you dope. Well not exactly you at the moment. I need to know answers. I need to know why my life feels so false. I need to know. Are you and I more than friends? I need to know where you came from why you said those things. I need to know. Now will you tell me.” Emma pleaded. She saw him smile saw the light return in his eyes saw him sit up straighter. He reached out to cup her face but thought better of it. 

She smiled and brushed her fingers across his face instead. “And you will tell me all my answers. But first we need to go somewhere else more fitting than this alley.”

He smiled again stood up and brushed his self off. “As you wish m’lady.” She couldn’t help herself she smiled at that sentiment for it too was familiar to her. 

That was the first time his world was changed forever. 

FIN


End file.
